Believe Me, I'll Be There
by Arianna555
Summary: [lit] She laughs and smiles the special way that she reserves for him. "It's now or never." (Don't reread, lol, but epilogue is up.)
1. Okay, I'm missing movie night

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Rory's POV

Chapter 1 – Okay, I'm missing movie night

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with Gilmore Girls, nor do I own any movie, book, or author references, and I'm not associated in any way with any university or Ivy League school, specifically Harvard, Princeton, and Yale.

A/N: I got this idea on winter vacation; I have almost 3 chapters written already, but I didn't want to start posting this until I finished "I Think it Was Here, Because it Never Was There." This story will have more conflict than that one did, but it's still literati of course. Please review and tell me what you think! I hope you like it.  ~Arianna

"So, Rory," my mom said. "Tomorrow's Friday, the end of a long, tiring week, you at school, me at work…" If I weren't careful, she would go on like this for hours.

"And the end of this sentence will be…" I said.

"You wanna rent movies and get junk food and have our first movie night in just about forever because of the endless homework you get in that evil school?"

"Oh. I…I'd like to. But I can't. Maybe Saturday night?"

"Okay." She looked slightly disappointed. "Why?"

"Because I'm hanging around with Jess."

"Ah." She didn't say anything else. I knew perfectly well that she didn't like Jess. But still, her obvious disapproval of him, and me being with him, hurt, in a way. When I first started going out with Dean…Mom invited him to our house for movie night. He helped her with the water bottles. I know she liked him. I know she likes him. I like him…but things are different now.

"Hey, I said, attempting to get her excited again, "how about Sunday, we get all the junk food in Doose's and watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?"

"Yeah, okay," she agreed, brightening.

"Mom?"

"Rory?"

"I'm sorry we haven't been able to hang out much lately…it's just I've been really busy and the teachers at Chilton all want to prepare us for college, and so I haven't spent much time with Jess and I promised I'd make it up to him—"

"Rory, don't worry, I understand. Why you'd want—never mind."

"What?"

"I edited that comment." That equaled: 'I don't want to hurt you by saying something mean about Jess; I hate him, but he is your boyfriend.'

"I'm gonna go to bed," I said. "Night, Mom."

"Night," she called. I went to my room and pulled Farewell to Arms out of my bookshelf, opening the front cover to read, for the millionth time:

_Rory – Even if this isn't your favorite book, I think you'll like it. It means a lot that you'll read it because I asked you to. I've never known anyone else who reads like you do. And thanks for the copy of The Fountainhead.   Love, Jess_

School was the same as usual the next day. Jess met me at the bus stop.

"Hey," he said as I got off.

I grinned. "Hey, Jess." He put his arm around me and we started walking. "Where are we going?" I asked.

"Wherever."

"So, basically, you have no idea."

"That sounds about right." I couldn't help laughing.

"The bridge?"

"Yeah, that's good."

I put my arm around Jess, and we walked to the bridge together. Where we went didn't matter to me, either. I was happy, really happy, with Jess.

"I kind of have something I want to talk to you about," I told him when we got there.

"What is it?"

"Well…don't be hurt or anything, okay?"

"Uh huh."

"You know my mom doesn't…"

"Like me?"

"I was going to say trust you."

"And you want me to…"

"Show her she can, yeah."

"What if she can't?"

"_Jess_."

"Okay, fine."

"Thanks." Jess leaned over and kissed me, and I kissed him back.

He grinned. "I'll try."

"I'm glad," I said. I sort of felt that missing one movie night was worth it. Jess and I had a great time that afternoon. We hung around the bridge for a while, talking, and then we went to Luke's for coffee. After finishing that, we went up to the apartment. Jess showed me what he was reading; I convinced him to let me borrow a few books. At about eight-thirty, I told Jess I had to go. He walked me home, so of course it took quite a while.

"Goodnight, Rory," he said, kissing me. He kept his arms around me for several minutes. I wanted him to stay there, but I finally broke away, smiling. 

"Goodnight, Jess." I opened the door after he left and went in. "Hey Mom, I'm home!"

"I'm in here!" she yelled from the living room.

"What've you been doing?" I asked, sitting next to her.

"Watching TV. Thinking. Boring stuff."

"Thinking about what?"

"Rory?"

"Yeah?"

"Why? Why Jess?" _She doesn't mean that. She means 'Why Jess and not Dean?'_

"Mom…" I didn't know what to say. No one else seemed to see what I saw in Jess and I couldn't explain it.

"I'm not complaining. I just want to know…I don't think I get it yet."

"I don't know if I get it either," I said. "I just…_know_. Everything's so different with him. It's like everything lights up…and I can talk to him, about anything."

"Hey. Get the rest of the chocolate from the kitchen; we'll find something to watch."

"I thought we were saving that for tomorrow night."

"Since when?" I grinned. "So he's special?" she said.

So much for changing the subject. "Yeah, he's really special."

"How do you know he's not gonna…"

"Because he's Jess."

"Funny, that was the reason I thought there was a possibility."

"Well, there isn't!" I was mad. I shouldn't have been, but I was. My mom should trust me. Just because he hadn't let her see who he was yet didn't mean that he wasn't a great guy.

"Ooh, look, _Footloose_." Mom pointed to the TV, and I resigned myself to the distraction, at least for tonight. Remembering Jess holding me, outside the door, was enough for right then.

I knew Jess would show the rest of Stars Hollow, someone besides me, that he was more than a rebel-without-a-cause. At least, he would sometime. I put away the books Jess had lent me, watched _Footloose_ with my mom, and then went into my room to read.


	2. He's telling me it'll be all right

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 2 – He's telling me it'll be all right

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Gilmore Girls, and I don't own any movie, book, author, or college references either.

A/N: Here's the 2nd chapter! FYI, The Professor and the Madman is a book about the creation of the Oxford English Dictionary, by Simon Winchester. (I think that's how you spell his last name.) Enjoy!  ~Arianna

It was starting to get closer to the time I would get back my college applications. Every day, I jumped up the minute the mail got to our house and ran outside, hoping for an envelope for me, anything, any response from any of the three schools I'd applied to.

I continued doing my homework, of course, hanging out with Jess, and watching my mom stare at Jess like she wanted to kill him. I stopped talking to her about him, but it was hard. Not telling her everything. I started talking to Jess more, though.

I walked to the diner one Friday afternoon.

"Hi, Rory," Luke said.

"Hi, Luke."

"Coffee?"

"Of course." He saw my eyes dart to the stairs behind the counter, and he grinned.

"He'll be down in a second," Luke told me.

"Thanks."

Jess appeared on the stairs.

"I'll go…get something," Luke said, and left.

"I would have been at the bus stop, but Luke informed me that I owe him about a million hours of work," Jess said apologetically.

"Oh, no problem."

"Good." Jess came around the counter and put his arms around me.

"Jess…" He kissed me, and I willingly let him, kissing him back. We stopped, but stayed there; my hands on his shoulders and his around my waist.

"Hey, you okay?" Jess asked me.

"Yeah, I guess."

I knew he wanted to comfort me and didn't know what to say. "You wanna talk?"

"I don't know…I'm sure they want to get acceptance letters off as soon as possible. You know, the rejections, the small sheets of paper that say 'sorry, try again,' it doesn't matter how long it takes to send those."

"Rory…"

"They send those to hundreds of thousands of people. You'd think they'd learn to hurry up so people have time to—"

"Rory, you're gonna get in! They'd have to be idiots not to be begging you to come to their schools."

"Thanks, Jess," I whispered, leaning on his shoulder.

"I'm serious. They probably don't know how to tell you how much they want you to go there."

"Much as that's not true, it's really, really nice of you and I appreciate it," I told him. "And it did make me feel better."

"That's the point." Jess kissed me again. "That's not all of it, is it?"

"Not exactly." Jess and I sat down at a table in the back corner. The diner was empty. "Things are weird. Mostly with me and my mom."

"That's a new one."

"I know, I hate it. It's like I can't talk to her anymore." I sighed. "Thanks for listening, Jess."

"Anytime."

"Oh, hey, I brought that book you were asking about." I opened my backpack and handed Jess my copy of The Professor and the Madman.

"It looks good."

"It is."

"You wouldn't happen to have a copy of the _OED_, would you?" Jess asked me.

"Oh, yeah, I do. You can borrow it, if you help carry it here." I grinned.

"Deal. So see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, wanna come over and pick it up?"

"Uh…me? At your house?"

"Don't worry, it's fine."

"Okay." I got up; so did Jess. I kissed him goodbye and left the diner. He watched me leave and then went back to work. I saw Luke come back downstairs and start talking to Jess.

I walked back through Stars Hollow to my house. Jess was right. I could do it. And he cared about me enough to say it. That far from being upset, I couldn't stop smiling. Not now.


	3. I really wish this hadn't happened

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 3 – I wish this hadn't happened

Disclaimer: I'm sure you all know this, as this is my *counting* 28th time writing this, but I don't own anything to do with Gilmore Girls or any book, author, or movie references. I'm also not associated with any colleges or universities.

A/N: Hey, I hope you all like this. Thanks for the reviews so far, and please review if you haven't! More should be up soon, because it was really cold where I live and yesterday and today it was in the 60s, so the teachers decided not to give us homework today, so all I have to do is decide how exactly to write what I want to happen next. lol. Enjoy!  ~Arianna

Despite what Jess had said, I was terrified about the college applications. He rang the doorbell the next day, and I ran to the door to answer it.

"Hey, Rory," he said.

"Oh, hey, Jess."

"Waiting for someone else?" he teased, coming in.

"Oh no, it's just—"

"Your applications," Jess finished for me.

"Well, yes."

"Am I better than a letter from Yale?" I knew he wasn't asking seriously.

"Hmmm," I grinned. "About the same. Come on in." I led him to my room.

"Wow," he said, looking at all my posters of different countries and the college paraphernalia on the walls. I reached up to my shelf and handed Jess the huge dictionary.

"Yeah, it took a long time to get all this stuff." I glanced out the window. "The mail's here!" I ran outside and opened the mailbox. There was a letter for me inside. With the Princeton emblem in the corner. I took it out and opened it, shaking.

I couldn't move; I couldn't see. Jess came up behind me softly and led me into the house. He put his arms around me and pulled me close, knowing that I was hurting. I started crying, hard. Jess held me, trying to comfort me.

"Oh, Rory," he said. "Rory, it's okay."

"No, it's not!"

"Rory…" he tried again.

"I didn't get in, Jess! I didn't get in! I wasn't good enough! If I'm not good enough for Princeton, I won't even be considered for Harvard."

"That isn't true. You're good enough for anything."

"I'm not! I told myself I'd get in, I let myself hope I'd get in."

"Because you should get in."

"I didn't. That's what matters now, Jess."

"Listen, you've got a lot more to hope for than I have."

I immediately felt awful. I hated that it was true, but I guess he was kind of right. "Jess, I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. Forget it. Princeton is only one school out of three. It's not your fault they have stupid admissions directors."

I tried to smile, but couldn't. "Thanks." Then I heard a car outside. "That's my mom."

"I guess I should leave."

"You don't have to."

"Be honest."

"Okay, my mom _probably_ would prefer if you left, but I don't want you to…"

He squeezed my shoulder gently. "It's okay."

My mom walked in right then, taking it all in: the envelope on the table, the tears on my face, Jess' arms around me.

"Rory. Jess. Uh, hi." She realized what she was seeing. "Why are you here? What's going on? Rory, what's wrong?" I felt my eyes fill with tears again.

"I came over to pick up a book—" Jess began. "And Rory…" He looked at me, not wanting to say it. Not wanting to hurt me. I appreciated that.

"I got a letter from Princeton," I said, crying.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Jess said softly. He kissed me.

"Thank you," I whispered as he left. I sat down on the couch, and Mom came to sit next to me. She picked up the letter and read it quickly.

"Rory, I'm so sorry," she said. She hugged me, and I tried not to cry again. After a while, she leaned back and asked softly, "What was Jess really doing here?"

"Picking up a book," I managed to say. "And the mail came, and…"

"What I mean is…why didn't you come to me?"

I shrugged uncomfortably. "Jess was here, and—and he was telling me that I was gonna get in…he said I was good enough for anything."

Mom sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just used to you coming to me when stuff happens, good or bad."

"If I'd gone to Dean, would you be upset?"

She hesitated. I had pretty much known she would answer like this, but it still hurt. I guess I was hurt partially for Jess, even though he didn't know.

"No," she said finally. "I guess I wouldn't. I don't think so. Rory…" She looked at me wistfully. My face was still streaked with tears. "I trusted Dean. I liked Dean. And after that car crash—"

"It wasn't his fault!"

"It wasn't yours."

"It was at _least_ as much mine…I told him to drive, I told him to turn. He made sure I was okay. I know he would have done anything to keep me from getting hurt. I chose to go to New York. He didn't ask me to. I just _missed_ him."

"Listen, I know. I know what it's like to really like a guy. But you should really think about what you want to happen. In the future. Next year. Who's gonna be there for you?" I stared at her. I didn't know what to say. "Rory, I don't want to argue now. I know you feel awful…but trust me. Harvard, Yale, you're guaranteed an acceptance letter."

"Thanks, Mom." She smiled slightly. "I'm gonna go read."

"Okay."

I went to my room and started reading Oliver Twist again, but I couldn't concentrate.

_Jess came over to pick up a book, and I got the letter and started crying and he comforted me and Mom came home and she thought…_ I wished so much that she could trust Jess. _She didn't believe him when he told her the truth. She needed me to confirm it._

I hated that she hated him so much. And I wasn't sure there was anything I could do to show my mom that she _could_ trust him. It would be so hard if she hated Jess forever…I mean, Mom, Jess, and Lane are the three people in the world who mean the most to me. Lane…she doesn't hate Jess. She doesn't like Jess.

Only Luke likes him at all.

_And I'm so scared about that letter._

I heard my mom's voice again, in my mind. _"Why didn't you come to me…Rory, I liked Dean…What was Jess really doing here?"_

I didn't know what to think. I hoped Jess was right, and I would get into Harvard and Yale. I really wished things didn't have to be so complicated, all the time… 


	4. You don't know what to say, it's fine

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 4 – I know you don't know what to say; it's fine

Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own: anything to do with Gilmore Girls, anything to do with any colleges, or any book, author, or movie references.

A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this up, I was having trouble deciding how to write this. Also sorry this is so short; it's just necessary for leading up to the next chapter, which I promise will be longer! It's not written yet, but I know what's gonna happen so I'll try to get it up as soon as I can. It might not be up for a while though, because I have a HUGE English history and Macbeth exam on Thursday and I have to study. Thanks for reading this. I would like to get some reviews before I post the next chapter, so please review and tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is welcome. Next chapter this will get more interesting, I promise! Thanks to everyone who's reviewed. I hope you like this!  ~Arianna

Things were pretty much normal the next few days. I was still upset about Princeton, but I tried not to let it get to me. I hadn't told anyone at Chilton. I didn't want Paris to know. At least, I didn't want her to know until I could also tell her which school I'd gotten into. I could always conveniently forget to tell her about Princeton when I did.

I decided the best way to deal with it was just to try to forget it. I walked to the diner after school one day the next week, as usual.

"Hey," Jess said quietly when I came in.

"Hey," I replied. I knew, from the way Jess was acting, that he wanted to talk to me and he didn't know what to say. "Jess…" I began softly.

He moved around the counter. "Rory," he said. Jess leaned over and kissed me. Then he put his hands in his pockets. "I don't know, I… Rory, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said after awhile.

He stepped closer to me and put his arms around me. "I'm sorry. I'm not great at this comforting thing," he apologized.

"Oh, this is good," I said.

"Good." Jess looked at me. "I'm sorry about what happened."

"The letter?" I said in a choked voice.

"That too. Of course. But I meant…you know. Me. At your house. And your mom…"

"It wasn't your fault."

"Yeah, just like the car crash wasn't my fault," he said sarcastically.

This wasn't the time to insist that it hadn't been. But it really hadn't. "Jess!" I said, hurt.

"Well, this is great," he remarked. "We can't talk to each other, we're acting like we just met—" Jess looked at me—"I'm making you cry—"

"You're not," I interrupted.

"So what happened?"

"Let's try this." I kissed him; he kissed me, pulling me closer. We finally broke apart. Jess put his arm around my shoulders.

"I'm glad that's still the same," he said.

"Me too."

"So can I kiss you again?"

I smiled. "Wait."

Jess looked slightly disappointed. "Okay."

"Are you working on Saturday?"

"No, why?"

"I thought we could do something," I replied. "I haven't seen you much lately…"

"Sounds good. What were you thinking?"

"I don't know. Anything."

"There's a book sale this weekend," he said.

"Great."

"C'mon, let's go upstairs."

"Just for a second; I have to get home."

"Okay." We walked up to the apartment. Jess and I sat on the couch and talked for a while.

"Hey…I have to go."

"Rory…" Jess kissed me. I kissed him back, almost involuntarily putting my arms around him. Jess pulled me closer. I didn't want to leave, didn't want Jess to let go, but I knew we had to stop before it got out of control.

"Jess…" I said, pulling away.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to—"

"Oh, no, Jess—it was great. Really great. I loved it. It's just…"

He smiled. "I understand."

"Thanks," I said, getting up and letting go of Jess' hands. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, of course…see ya, Rory."

"Bye, Jess!" I went back down the stairs and left the diner.


	5. It hurt so much

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 5 – It hurt so much

Disclaimer: I don't own: 1) anything to do with Gilmore Girls. 2) any book, author, or movie references. 3) anything about any colleges, though I don't think there's anything about college in this chapter.

A/N: Thanks to everyone for the reviews! They're great. To LCI 02/03 – I promise this will get happier, though maybe not right away. Lorelai won't be portrayed as a bad character though. Sorry about the sort-of-cliffhanger at the end of this chapter, but more will be up very soon. Probably today, because chapter 6 is already written, but I might not have time to type it because I have to finish my stupid science project that I wouldn't even be doing if my science teacher didn't require it. (I don't like science. lol.) Also, for the purposes of this story, pretend Doose's is right next to Luke's. I forget if it actually is. On with the story.  ~Arianna

Days went by. I went to school, did my homework, read, hung out with Jess. Things started seeming different with my mom, though. I saw her watching Jess and me. I saw her watching Jess when he was alone, too. Working at the diner or whatever. Not the stalking kind of watching, the 'I think he's gonna do something bad any second now' kind. I decided not to say anything, at least not just yet. I didn't want to fight with her.

On Friday night, Mom and I walked to the town meeting. It was just as usual: people talking, Taylor trying to get them to shut up. And then…

"I have a matter of some importance to bring up," Taylor said.

"Oh, have you recently discovered that Stars Hollow's fire hydrants aren't painted the regulation shade of red?" my mom called out. I half expected Taylor to ask her what the regulation shade of red was.

"Really, Lorelai. You have positively no sense of town structure and priorities. As I was saying—"

"Yeah, Taylor, what's the big deal?"

"Well," he continued, annoyed, "several items have recently disappeared form the market." He looked pleased with his announcement, hoping it would have some effect on us. It didn't. "Now, you'll be happy to know that I have instituted a system to prevent this from happening again."

"Where are you going with this, Taylor?" Babette asked.

"Ah. As you will recall, last year disappearances of a similar kind occurred, and…" _No. No._ I felt my mom staring at me, but I didn't look up.

"Not this again, Taylor!" Luke yelled. _Please no. Tell me it's not._

"Please carefully watch all persons entering the market and nearby shops," I heard Taylor say. "This town meeting is officially adjourned!" _He thinks it was Jess. Doesn't he watch that store all the time? Why does he think it was Jess?_

Mom and I got up and walked home. I was silent.

"What are you thinking?" she asked me softly.

"Nothing." I didn't want to talk. I was really upset. Maybe Taylor had installed a streetlight and insisted on an old-fashioned soda shop, but he wouldn't lie. Sure, he made assumptions and jumped to conclusions almost every day. But…he wouldn't lie. Right? _Please let me be wrong._

We got home.

"I'm gonna go to bed," I said shortly.

"Rory, are you okay?"

"Fine. Night, Mom."

"You know, Taylor complains about Luke's all the time. And nothing—"

I just stared at her.

"Goodnight, Rory," she said, resigned.

The next morning, I got up early, even though I'd only slept for about three hours all night. I got dressed and grabbed my jacket, then slammed the door of my room.

"Rory?" Mom said, coming down the stairs.

"I'll be back soon, okay?"

"But…coffee?"

"I'll meet you at…" _Can't go to Luke's, can't go to Doose's…_ "at Gypsy's in an hour."

"Gypsy's? There's no—_Oh_. Listen, Rory—"

"Bye, Mom." I left and walked quickly to Luke's.

"Hi, Rory," Luke said.

"Hi, Luke. Where's Jess?"

"Uh, over there." He pointed. 

Unusually, there was no one in the diner except Luke and Jess. And me. I went over as quickly as I could.

"Jess."

He looked up. "Hey, Ror."

"What happened?" I demanded.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, so you weren't at the town meeting last night?"

"You know I never go to those."

"Yeah. Well, I did. And you know what I heard?"

Jess put down the plate he was carrying. "Oh, no." He walked back over to the counter. I followed him.

"Yeah. And if you know it, that proves it!"

"What?"

"You stole that stuff from Doose's, Jess!"

"Rory, Doose's is right next to Luke's!" I don't know why I was suddenly so mad. I just was. I knew Jess had been trying. He'd _told_ me he wasn't gonna _do_ that stuff anymore! It really hurt me that someone even had reason to think he'd done it.

"I thought you weren't gonna do this!" I yelled.

"Why are you bringing this up again, Rory?"

"You did take the stuff from Doose's, didn't you?!"

"So now I'm stealing. Great. I thought you thought I could be a normal citizen. Guess not, huh?"

"You did. I can't believe you did."

"How do you know that?" Jess shouted.

"You didn't deny it!"

"So I have to deny everything? Sit here and listen to you accuse me while I tell you what I did and didn't do?" Jess answered angrily.

"You just can't stop doing stuff like that! You must really hate this town!"

"I didn't think I did before, but if Rory says it, it must be true, right?"

"Jess—"

"No. I can't change in your eyes, can I? I'm the guy who drew the chalk outline, and that's it. And apparently I steal things!"

"You can't get used to the fact that people actually like each other in this town!"

"And what about you? You think you're perfect? The only place you could _last_ is Stars Hollow. People _don't_ all like each other in New York. And you know, I survived."

I felt my eyes fill with tears. That hurt. "And I thought you could actually care about people!" I yelled.

"You _think_ you care about people. And now? Everyone's gonna hate me again. Because you came in here, you got mad at me and we're fighting. You tell me, do I care?"

I stared at him.

"You know what? Get coffee from Luke. I have to go." Jess went upstairs. I watched him leave, shaking. I noticed Luke at the other side of the diner, talking quietly to Caesar.

Then I ran home and started crying. I couldn't remember ever being this upset. I hadn't wanted to fight with him! I'd wanted to go in and have him tell me, have him prove to me he hadn't done it. And tell him I was sorry, and kiss him and let it all be okay. And it wasn't. Not at all. Mom wasn't home; she must have left for Luke's or something.

About an hour later, I heard the door open.

"Rory?" My mom came in. "Rory, what happened to meeting—" Then she saw me on the couch, crying. "What's wrong? Are you all right?"

"I fought w-with Jess," I managed to say.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry." She came over and put her arm around me. I cried harder. This was worse than fighting with Dean had ever been. I was furious with Jess. And yet I missed him, already. A lot. I was almost half hoping he'd come over now and…but I knew him. He was still Jess Mariano, after all. And I knew I'd hurt him too.

How could he say those things? How could I have said that to him? Why…hadn't I trusted him, _why_? And worst…did he really think, really believe what he'd said? About me?

Second A/N: Hope you liked that! Next chapter, Jess' reaction. (I won't turn this into an alternating POV thing like my other fic, it's just one Jess POV and maybe another later.) Don't worry, lit. fans, I'm a huge literati!     

     ~Arianna                                        


	6. I won't talk, I don't want to cry

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 6 – I won't talk, I don't want to cry

Disclaimer: You all know that I don't own Gilmore Girls. There aren't any book, movie, or college references in this chapter.

A/N: This is Jess' POV. It starts right after Jess goes upstairs, after Rory and Jess fight. I'm only writing this in Jess' POV because it's necessary for the story, or at least, I think it will make the story better. Most of the rest of the story will be in Rory's POV. I know I'm better at writing Rory than writing Jess, but please review and tell me what you think! Sorry if Jess is sort of out of character here, but I wanted to write him this way. The next chapter should be up soon, enjoy!  ~Arianna

_How could that have happened?_ Rory really thought I'd done it. I was angry for a while. I'd promised I would stop doing stuff like that! Rory should _know_ that I wouldn't do that to her!

Then it hit me. What I'd said. She was gonna hate me. I'd just gotten mad that she didn't trust me. I still was, but more than that, I wanted to take back what I'd said…about her not being able to survive in New York. About her not caring about people. I hated myself for making her cry. And I knew she was.

I sat on my bed, really upset, determined not to cry. By the time Luke took a break and came upstairs, I was fighting tears.

"Jess!" he said.

"Yeah?"

"What happened down there? You think you can just—"

"Just don't, okay?" I said, looking up. "It's bad enough without hearing you."

"Well, what happened to get Rory that mad at you?"

I winced. "Nothing."

"Jess, Rory wouldn't come in here and yell at you without a reason!"

"I don't wanna talk about it." _Go away. Please go away. Now._

"Look, I know it's hard, but—"

"I'm fine. Just thinking. Go _away_." I stared at the ground, refusing to look up at Luke, knowing that if I did he'd know that I was crying.

"Okay, I'll…be downstairs. If…you need anything."

I didn't answer. After he left I covered my face with my hands and cried. Then I wiped my eyes and got up, deciding to try to forget it. I went downstairs.

"Jess?" Luke said, sounding surprised.

"Luke."

"What are you doing down here?"

"Why, what did you think I'd be doing?"

"You wanna know the truth?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Crying. You know…"

"Well, guess what, Einstein, I'm not. If I work now, I don't have to work for the rest of the week. Is there a problem?"

"I guess not. Listen, don't you—" Luke said, following me.

"No, I don't," I said, turning around. "Shut up. I'm trying to work."

"Fine." Luke went back into the kitchen.

_I will not think about Rory. I will not think about Rory…damn Taylor for saying that at the town meeting. Damn this town for hating me. _ I threw the cleaner I was holding on the counter. _Why the heck did I believe this would last?_

For the next few days, I went to school occasionally, sometimes worked in the diner. Mostly, I stayed in the apartment and read. I didn't go to the bridge because I thought Rory might be there.

On Wednesday night, Luke closed the diner and came upstairs. I was on the couch, rereading Farewell to Arms.

"Jess." 

"You've been saying my name a lot lately," I remarked.

"We have to talk."

"What about?" _Oh, great. Oh no._

"You've been acting…different. Ever since Saturday."

"I told you I _don't_ wanna talk about it!"

"You don't have a choice. You need time to get over this, Jess! Rory's still in Stars Hollow, she's not gonna leave or disappear. You're going to have to see her sometime!"

"Wow, call the papers," I responded sarcastically.

"You're obviously really upset, and you didn't even act like this when you came here. Something happened that caused you and Rory to fight, now what was it?"

_I can't cry now. Not in front of Luke._

"It's none of your business. And anyway, you know," I answered quietly.

"If I knew, I wouldn't be asking. And it is my business because you're my responsibility. Which is unfortunate at times. Damn it, Jess, tell me what happened!"

"Weren't you at that stupid town meeting? Apparently I stole from Doose's. Now, I was informed of that by Rory, on Saturday morning, but who cares, right?" I yelled.

"She didn't believe you?"

I felt my eyes fill with tears. "No. She didn't. And I yelled at her, and she yelled at me and that's the way it is, okay?"

"God, she really hurt you, didn't she?"

"I'm reading." 

Luke grabbed my book. "Admit it."

"I'm _used_ to people hating me." I took the book back.

"Are you scared of talking to her?"

"Since when are you so smart? Leave me alone already, would you?"

"Okay, I give up. You don't want to listen to anyone."

"You got that right."

"Yeah, and if Rory came up here right now and apologized, you wouldn't listen to her either?" 

"She isn't going to," I replied in a choked voice, hoping Luke hadn't noticed.

"Why wouldn't she?"

"Not unless I do." Talking was dangerous. I had no intention of showing Luke in any way how upset I actually was.

"You going to?"

"I'll take the fifth."

"Doesn't apply."

"Can't make me talk." I sort of felt better now. I didn't like Luke asking me questions like that. Rory was the only one who ever asked me questions like that…that I would answer. _Forget that._ Luke stared at me. "I'm going out," I said.

"It's ten-thirty."

"I'm going out," I repeated.

I think Luke saw that I wanted to be alone. "I mean it, if you aren't back in two hours—"

"You'll send out a search party? Nice to know. Bye." I got my jacket and my book, and I walked to the bridge.


	7. I want things to be different

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 7 – I want things to be different

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with Gilmore Girls, nor do I own any book/author references.

A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this up. I've had a lot of homework, and I have a paper due soon. Hopefully chapter 8 will be up soon. I've also been working on a Gilmore Girls website, which you can get the link to if you click on my ff.n screenname. This starts right after chapter 5; it's Rory's POV again.

I spent the rest of the weekend crying. And feeling sorry for myself. Mom tried to comfort me, and it did help. But I couldn't get over it. I couldn't stop thinking about Jess. I used the time I wasn't crying to study, but I still didn't want to go to school on Monday.

"Rory?" I heard as I woke up.

"Mom?"

She came in and sat on the edge of my bed. "Are you okay?"

"What's your definition of okay?"

"Um…"

"I'm tired, upset, I need coffee, I…"

"Yeah?"

"I miss him. And I'm still mad." She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, I added quickly, "I'm _not_ cutting school."

"You sure? Nothing's going on at the Inn today. We could stay here. Listen to music. Watch movies. Talk."

"We had a whole weekend to do that," I said, not smiling.

"We didn't do much talking, though," Mom said softly.

"I couldn't." I got out of bed. "I'm gonna get ready."

"Okay. You want me to drive you to school?"

"No, that's okay," I said. I wanted the time driving to Hartford to be alone. And think. And get control of myself.

About fifteen minutes later, I drank the cup of coffee my mom made me as quickly as I could, and I rushed out the door, yelling goodbye to my mom. Then I started driving to Chilton.

_I won't think about Jess. I can't. I can't._

Why did we have to fight? I hurt him, I know I did. I didn't want to hurt him! He hurt me. Why did he say those things… Why did he let me believe he'd done it? What if he didn't? What do I say? How could I…

I parked the car in front of the school, determined to concentrate on my classes, and only on my classes.

It was impossible. I had to stop ignoring how awful this was. Maybe I did need to talk to my mom.

I walked into the house after school, threw my backpack on the floor, and went, loudly, into the living room.

"Hey, what's up, Rory?" Mom said. She looked at me. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Hey, Mom?" I said softly.

"Yes?"

"Can…can we talk?"

She put her arm around me and we went over to the couch. "Sure."

I felt my eyes fill with tears again, and I looked at her, unsure of where to start.

"What happened, Rory?" she asked.

"N-nothing today. I just…"

"No, I mean on Saturday." I almost started to cry, but I thought if I did, I might not have the courage to start talking again.

"I went to the diner. And I just got so mad, and I asked him why he'd done it."

"You didn't ask him if he had actually done it first?"

"No!" I cried.

"Rory, that's not like you."

"I know! I was hurt and I yelled at him. A lot. And I know I said mean things."

"I'm guessing he didn't take it too well?"

"He yelled at me too. He was so mad…he's never been angry with me like that before. I do think…it's very possible he did it, but still he had a right to be! He—" I started crying but kept talking—"he said I wouldn't…be able to survive in New York…"

"He did? Does Luke know about this? I'm gonna—"

"Mom, don't."

"Don't worry. It'll work out. You guys will talk and apologize. Or you'll get over it, and you'll find another guy who's totally crazy about you. And…Jess will find another girl. He'll just have to settle for second best, in that case."

Thinking about another guy, and Jess with another girl, broke my heart. I couldn't speak.

"But listen, Rory? If you think you might want to talk to him, do it. You don't want to have to regret losing anything."

"How could I have said that to him?" I cried. "Jess—"

"It's all right. You didn't do anything wrong."

On Wednesday morning, the first thing I heard after packing my backpack and putting on my uniform was "Rory, what time is it?"

"Seven," I answered.

"Hooray, time for coffee!"

"Mom," I said.

"Listen, I'll just stop at Luke's, then I'll drive you to school."

"Okay," I relented. We got in the car and drove into town. Mom parked. I walked with her up to the steps.

"You okay?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Wanna come in?"

"No."

"I'll get you some coffee." She went in, and I watched her talking to Luke, then Luke turning around to get two cups of coffee. I saw the door to the stairs of Luke's apartment start to open.

_Oh no. No, I have to get out of here._ Jess came into the diner, but he didn't see me. He looked the same as always, except…he walked slower than usual, the look in his eyes, the whole way he acted was different. Not significantly different, but I knew him well enough to know, just from seeing that, that he was upset.

Jess was good at hiding how he felt, but he obviously couldn't completely hide this. _What other reasons could he have to be upset? It's about me._ I didn't want him to be upset. Or did I? It sounded awful, but I just wasn't sure. It was getting so hard to keep being mad at him. Especially after seeing him like this. And yet…_I guess it's nice to know he did care. He didn't just move on, forget about it._ But I should know that he wouldn't do that. He didn't _act_ around me. He didn't used to. Because he didn't have to. _Does he think he has to now?_

That thought hurt. And why was I acting like everything was gonna be okay? How did I know that? What would possibly cause me to think that?

I had to get out of there. I knew if I didn't, I would completely break down. Possibly at school, possibly there at Luke's. And I couldn't risk that. I went to the car and got back in. Then I pulled the ever-present book out of my bag and started reading, trying to forget Stars Hollow and Luke's and Jess and all of it.

Mom brought the coffee, and we drank it on the way to school without saying much. She didn't mention my going back to the car, understanding.

School was the same as usual. I cam home, and Mom made beef-a-roni for dinner, and I did my homework. I was so tired of being surrounded by everyone. People who didn't know what had happened, didn't understand, or didn't care.

"I'm going out for a while, okay?" I called to my mom. It was about a quarter to nine, the sky a deep blue, a crescent moon shining.

"Okay. Don't come back too late."

"I won't." I got my jacket and I left, going to the bridge without really thinking about it. I needed to be alone.

When I got there, I could see the silhouette of someone quietly sitting on the bridge. It was someone I recognized, but I knew who it was anyway.

I stood there for a few minutes. Jess just sat there, staring down at the water. Then I walked out onto the bridge to sit several feet away from Jess. I thought he probably heard me, probably knew I was there. But if he wasn't going to say anything, then I wouldn't either.

I turned slightly and watched him. He hadn't moved. I could see a book beside him that he obviously hadn't opened. I wondered if he was still mad at me.

I listened to the silence, painfully, for a while. And I finally spoke.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly.

"Do I look okay?" Jess replied, sounding as upset as he looked.

"I guess not."

He turned to look at me for a minute. "So are you okay?"

"No," I answered. I waited for awhile before I said, "What are you doing here?"

"I'll leave."

"I didn't mean that the way I said it."

"Then how did you mean it?" He still wouldn't look at me.

"Why are you here?" I asked, quietly.

"Didn't want Luke to see me cry."

_Oh, Jess…_ He got up and left, without saying anything else, without looking back, just as quietly. I stayed there for a long time.

_Why does Harvard suddenly not seem so incredibly important anymore? It's not everything to me now…now I know there are other things just as important._ I couldn't watch Jess walk away. Nothing had really changed, had it? But I wished _so_ much it had…


	8. We're still alike in at least one way

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 8 – We're still alike in at least one way

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Gilmore Girls. I also don't Oliver Twist. Charles Dickens wrote that. I'm not entirely sure whom it belongs to now. I do know that it's a really good book.

A/N: First, I'm sorry this is so short. I thought it needed to be like this. I've already started writing the next chapter, and I promise it will be longer! Second, I'm also sorry if I'm being repetitive about the fight. I just want to make it clear how both Rory and Jess feel about it, and I don't want them to be over it immediately. I'm doing it gradually so it's more realistic. This will get more interesting soon! I actually do like this chapter, so I hope you do! Please review and tell me. Thanks a lot to everyone who's reviewed! I would have had both this chapter and chapter seven up earlier, but my internet connection was screwed up and ff.n wouldn't let me post anything. I hope to write the next chapters faster, I know basically what's gonna happen in the rest of the story. I seem to usually get ideas for how to write it between 10:30 at night and 12:00 in the morning. lol. FYI, Mr. Medina's only role in this story is as Rory's lit. teacher. Enjoy!  ~Arianna

So nothing had really changed. Still, I couldn't help, just slightly, feeling better after seeing Jess on the bridge. It meant he wasn't avoiding me. I mean, he had to know I would come to the bridge eventually. Either that or he just couldn't stand being in the apartment with Luke anymore. Knowing Jess, I suspected it was combination of those things.

Now I knew he cared. I'd known that the whole time, subconsciously. But he'd clearly told me that he'd been crying. And even though he was very different than he'd been when he first got here, and even though he was even more different around me, it wasn't like Jess to admit that.

Maybe, possibly, it was his way of saying… Maybe he had wanted to tell me he was sorry? I knew I was trying to make myself believe that. I was still angry about the things Jess had said. But not as angry as I had been.

I immersed myself in my Lit. paper. We had been informed that it would be on a Dickens novel. The one each person would write about would be assigned on Thursday.

I went to school that day a lot more excited than I had been for a while. 

I was assigned Oliver Twist.

I went home and drew up a character list.

Oliver, Fagin, Rose, Nancy, the Artful Dodger— 

Ouch. Why did everything that happened in my life seem to remind me of him?

My mom turned on loud music that night, and I didn't want to ask her to turn it down, especially because I didn't want her to ask me questions about anything right then. I told her I was going out, and then I took my notebook and walked to the bridge.

I had half expected to find what I did find—the same quiet, unmoving silhouette sitting there. I sat down too; once again several feet away form him. I opened my notebook and started writing by the lights along the side of the bridge.

_Oliver Twist__ was a satire of the New Poor Law. But it was in many ways much more…_

I felt Jess glance at me, but I didn't look up.

Mr. Medina had said to make this a personal essay. To write things most people wouldn't see and wouldn't think about. Things a regular literary critic wouldn't consider. _Dodger_, I thought. 

_Oliver Twist__ is more than just an incredible novel to me_, I wrote quickly. _Good characters make you think things and make you feel things. And I won't name any names, but there are situations in my life that remind me, in a milder version, of situations in Oliver's. I know what it is like to think you've lost someone. For instance, in some ways, the Artful Dodger reminds me very much of someone I know…_

I sat there on the bridge. And Jess sat there on the bridge. And we both stayed there, both silent. I was writing, Jess was staring quietly at the water.

And at the same time, we seemed both really far apart and closer together than we'd been since the fight on Saturday. And I knew, then—I couldn't find another guy.


	9. The Dodger is the protagonist

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 9 – The Dodger is the protagonist

Disclaimer: I'm tired of writing this, but, as I'm sure you know, I don't own: anything that has to do with Gilmore Girls, any book, author, movie, or college references.

A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this up. It was hard to decide how to write it, but I think this is my longest chapter ever, so I hope you like it! More should be up soon, because lately I've been doing my homework in school. Lol. Thanks SO much to everyone for the reviews! They're great, and I'm _really_ glad you like this. Enjoy!  ~Arianna

This was my life, all right. I knew I couldn't just get over this. But things were still pretty terrible between me and Jess, considering. School was better, at least. I was really enjoying writing the Oliver Twist paper. It was starting to almost look like a novel. I didn't mind that, and I knew Mr. Medina wouldn't mind.

After school the next Friday, I was sitting on a bench outside Chilton, my notebook open, writing. Paris came up to me, holding several sheets of paper covered in her neat handwriting.

"Rory," she said.

"Hi, Paris," I replied, trying to sound mildly enthusiastic.

"Listen, normally I would ask Madeline or Louise for favors."

"I'm well aware of that."

"But I need someone to read my rough draft who's interested in something more than gossip and who has probably _read_ the book several times. So—"

"Hand it over," I told her.

She held it out, and I took it.

"You're doing Oliver Twist too?"

"Yes. Now read, please." I did. "I really want your opinion, I mean your actual opinion, so tell me what I can improve, and—"

"Paris! Calm down!" I said, and continued reading.

"What do you think?" Paris prompted me. It was an accurate description of every detail of the book, an in-depth written discussion of the writing style. And yet I couldn't help thinking, as I read it—it was missing something. It wasn't _quite_ the assignment.

"Well?" she repeated.

"Paris…"

"You hate it."

"No. It's just…remember what Mr. Medina said about making this personal? Almost anyone could write this."

"Rory, I put _hours_ of work into this."

"I know you did. It's not that. It's good…I mean—what did _you_ think when you were reading? What did you like? Why?"

"Can I read yours?"

"Paris…" I said for the second time.

"Please."

"Why?" I _had_ put personal elements in mine. Stuff I didn't mind a teacher reading, not for stuff like this. But the idea of willingly showing it to Paris…

"I want to see what you think mine is missing."

"Listen, when you read Oliver Twist…who do you identify with…whose side would you be on?"

"Rory, Oliver is the protagonist."

"So?"

"So he's right. There's no _choice_ there."

"Really? Occasionally I happen to like the Dodger." A sad look crossed my face. _It keeps coming back to that._

"Let me read yours."

I closed the notebook.

"Come on, Rory. Nothing will be used against you. It will never be spoken of again. I promise."

I gave in and handed it to her. Ten minutes later, she handed it back. She _had_ read it…I had to know her opinion.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"Well…it is good."

"Really?"

"I see your point. About characters hiding things from the protagonist. Is it almost finished?"

"Almost."

"But—"

"We can debate this later, Paris. My bus is gonna leave any minute."

"Okay."

"Hey, work on it. I'm not saying it's not good, it is."

"Thanks." She walked away. I collected my stuff and raced to the bus stop. I was just in time. Once sitting down, I pulled out my notebook and a pen again, and wrote:

You're really reading if you wonder what Oliver doesn't know. If you're curious to find out what the Dodger is doing while Oliver is talking to Rose. If you want to say something to one of the characters, want to tell them you know something they don't. And when you're reading, it doesn't matter if you don't know what to say. In a book, that's the author's job. In life, it's different…when you're reading, then you're lucky.

A personal essay. A persuasive essay. I wanted a good grade on this.

I closed my notebook again and stared out the window for the rest of the way to Stars Hollow.

I got off the bus and sat down on the bench. That would be the last bus of the day. I had gotten another idea, so I started writing.

A shadow fell over the page.

"Um, hey, Rory," a familiar voice said. It was Dean.

"Hey," I replied. I could tell he was uncomfortable. So was I. I hadn't really talked to him since…

"So…how are you?" he asked finally.

I didn't really know what to say. "I'm…I'm okay, I guess."

"And, uh, how's Jess?"

I looked away.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly.

"It's…it's okay."

"Rory…"

"Really. So how's Clara?"

"Oh, she's fine." Dean looked at me uncertainly. "Rory, I—are—are you and Jess together?"

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"No." I hated saying it. I will not cry. I will not cry.

"So…so were you? Was I wrong? I mean, did I just get mad for no reason?"

"No!" I yelled. "We were together, okay? And it was really great, and now we're in a fight, and I hate it, and I don't wanna talk about it!" In a quieter voice, I added, "And I don't want anyone else to know, either."

Dean held up his hands, taken aback. "Okay. I get it. Sorry."

I hadn't meant to yell at him like that. In an attempt to show him that I wasn't really mad, I said, "So how are things at Doose's?"

He relaxed. "Same as usual. Some guy came in the other day and stole a few things, nothing much. Taylor got all upset."

I tensed. "Some guy?"

"Yeah."

"You know who it was?"

"No. Probably someone from Hartford. Forty or so. Why so interested?"

Oh my God. How could I do that? I was almost crying at this point.

"Hey, Dean?" My voice was shaking slightly and I hoped he didn't notice.

"What?"

"Was…has Jess been in the market recently?"

"Not that I know of."

"Really? Not at all?" My voice got higher and higher as I said it.

"No…And I worked every day all last week. Shorthanded," he explained.

"I have to go," I said quickly. "I guess I'll see you later."

"Yeah, see you around," he answered. I ran home as quickly as I could.

"Mom!" I shouted.

"Rory?" She wandered into the front hall and saw me crying. "What is it?" Mom put her arms around me.

"He didn't do it! He really didn't do it!" I cried.

"He didn't do it?"

"No, Dean said it was some guy!" I sobbed.

"Dean said…we're talking about Jess, right?"

"Yes!" I continued crying.

"Ohhh. Come on, Rory, let's sit down." I walked with her to the couch, trying to stop the tears. I couldn't. What I'd done to Jess…I, Rory Gilmore, had made Jess cry. I had hurt him, and I'd obviously hurt him really badly. I  deserved what he'd said, didn't I?

"Hey. Rory. Just calm down, okay?"

"I can't!" I was almost hysterical.

"Shhh. It'll be okay."

It took a long time for me to get control of myself. Mom stayed with me. When I stopped crying, she asked, "Can you talk about it?"

"I'll try."

"Okay."

I told her everything. About going in the diner and yelling and blaming Jess. About Jess yelling back, leaving. About seeing and talking to Dean, about realizing what I'd done. I didn't tell her everything Jess had said on the bridge. I didn't think he would want anyone but me to know.

"Rory…" she said at last, "I hate to put it like this."

"What?"

"You have two choices. And one of them is to apologize."

"No…there's a third alternative, isn't there?"

"In a way."

I was silent.

"Do what you want to do, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay."

I woke up at eight the next morning. Mom was still asleep. I left her a note saying I needed coffee and that I would be back eventually. Then I left.

I swallowed nervously, then went into Luke's. The tables were full, but I had been planning, in the back of my mind, to sit at the counter anyway. Luke was by the window taking an order, so I waited. A few minutes later, Jess came down the stairs. He looked up at the counter, saw me, and froze.

"Um, hey," I said.

"Hey."

I looked down at the counter. Then I looked up again. "Jess?"

"What?"

"Uh…" What was wrong with me?

"Here." He poured some coffee and set it in front of me.

"Thanks."

He didn't answer. I drank the coffee slowly, thinking. I didn't really know what to do.

After I finished, I started walking to the bookstore. I looked around for a while, but I didn't buy anything. When I came out, I saw Jess again. And I decided I had to talk to him. He had to know…

"Hey," I said again, quietly.

"Hey," he replied, not looking at me. I started walking, sort of with him, sort of not. "You get any books?" he asked.

"No…" How could I say it? "Are you reading anything good?"

"Not really," he answered.

"Listen…" I said. "Jess…"

"I know you care about people," he said softly. "I'm not that much of an idiot. Not usually…"

"I know you didn't do it," I said.

"I know that too." I wasn't surprised at his reaction. I knew Jess, knew him better that I'd acted like I did.

"I guess…I didn't mean that the way I said it."

"Yeah. I don't think I did either."

This was so weird. Everything seemed weird between us. And less than three weeks ago…I'd been crying, Jess had been kissing me, I'd been kissing him back…he was the one I talked to. This was my fault; maybe I'd ruined everything. I was pretty sure he knew I regretted what I'd said. I could tell he did want to apologize for what he'd said. 

We were so much alike. And yet we were still so different. I hated fighting with anyone.

This was probably the worst fight of my life. Worse than any I could remember, worse than any fight with Lorelai. Because now…I couldn't be 100% sure that everything would be all right. And I wanted it so much.

At least now I had some hope. Jess didn't hate me. But really—hadn't I always known he didn't hate me?

I was scared that he had hated me. That was it. That was it. I was scared that he had.


	10. So now I've realized

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 10 – So now I've realized

Disclaimer: Yet again: I don't own anything to do with Gilmore Girls, any book or author references, or any colleges.

A/N: Again, sorry it took so long to get this up. I was on spring break, so I couldn't update. However, I wrote 3 chapters of this story and started a new one, all of which should be up soon. The 1st chapter of my new story, Connecticut Writers, is already up. Thanks a LOT to everyone who's reviewed!! I always get really excited when I read them. I know there's not _that_ much action in this chapter, but I actually like the way it turned out, so I hope you all like it! Also, I know there's no mail on Sunday. But pretend, for the purposes of this story, that there is mail on Sunday. On with the story!  ~Arianna

I constantly found my mind wandering to seeing Jess on the bridge, talking to him outside the bookstore. His line "Didn't want Luke to see me cry" kept ringing over and over in my head. I was continually 'rewriting' my apology in my mind. I didn't tell anyone. But at least, I wasn't scared to go into the diner anymore.

On Sunday, Mom got a call from Sookie at 7 am. Apparently there was an emergency at the Inn. Something about people demanding new rooms. She left as quickly as possible, telling me she should be back sometime that afternoon and to have fun.

I went to Luke's.

Okay, I said I wasn't scared to go into the diner. But that didn't mean that seeing Jess, who I used to be closer to than anyone except my mom, and not being able to even really talk to him, wasn't both uncomfortable and hard to deal with. I wanted coffee, though. And…what were the chances that he'd be there? Did I want him to be there?

I walked in and looked around. Jess wasn't there. In fact, the only people there were Luke and a couple sitting quietly in the corner. I sat down at the counter.

"Hi Luke, coffee please," I said.

"Hi, Rory," he replied, getting a cup for me.

"So," I said. "Um, how's the…diner business?"

"Oh, it's good," Luke said, nodding. "I know I'm not great at asking this…but are you okay?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Luke looked at me, skeptically, for a while. I drank some coffee. "What?"

"He's okay, for the most part," Luke told me.

"What?" I repeated.

"That's the 'I wanna know how Jess is but I don't wanna ask you' look," he explained, setting the pot of coffee on the stove and grabbing a rag to clean the counter. I shifted uncomfortably on the chair.

"No it's not…"

"You might as well say you hate coffee."

I looked down, into the cup, but I could feel him staring at me. "That was some fight you guys had."

At that I looked up again. "So you heard it?"

He shrugged. "Most of it, I guess."

"I know he didn't," I said at last.

"Yeah."

"I told him."

Luke was silent for a while. "He wouldn't want you to hate him," he said finally.

"I know," I replied. "I don't. I never did." I waited. "So how is he?"

"He's gonna hate that I told you." I said nothing. Luke gave in. "He was pretty upset."

"I know," I whispered.

"He's still upset."

"I am too…I don't know what to do without talking to him. We used to be so close…"

"Who says you won't be? You got into a fight, that happens to everybody."

"I guess…" It wasn't just a fight, though. It was me accusing Jess of something he hadn't done. "Do you think I wrecked everything?"

"No, of course not," he answered. 

"I can't believe I yelled at him like that…I never even really thought he did it."

"It's not as if you didn't have a reason," Luke said, trying to comfort me. "You're not the only one who's…said something like that. And several times he _had_ done it."

"It's different!" I protested. "No one else has ever trusted him—I was the one he—he showed me the real Jess."

"The real Jess?"

"He reads Jane Austen, he tells me I'm good enough for any college—" I couldn't keep talking.

"He did?"

I nodded.

"It's true."

"Thanks, Luke." I tried to smile. Then I gave up. "But no one else even said anything! Taylor, but—I'm—" I caught myself, even thought I wished I didn't have to. "I was Jess' girlfriend! And his best friend… I'm supposed to know him better than anyone."

"Rory, you _do_ know him better than anyone."

He was right. "I know that. But I didn't act like it, and I hurt him—"

"You're one of the few people in the world Jess cares about. He won't admit it, but he misses you, Rory."

"Really?" I asked softly.

"Yeah."

I looked at my watch. "Hey, I guess I'd better go, my mom's gonna be home soon—"

"See you tomorrow."

"Probably later tonight," I called back.

"Hey…" Luke looked like he was about to say something, but then he didn't. I walked back over to him.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Luke…" He didn't answer; just continued wiping the counter. "Well, thanks," I said.

He looked up. "I was going to say…well…" He looked uncomfortable. "Jess isn't mad at you, and you're not mad at him…"

I did smile then. "Yeah. See you later." I left the diner and walked home, feeling better. I didn't stop to wonder where Jess was…Probably at the bridge.

When I got home, my mom was sitting on the couch, reading.

"Hey, you got home early," I said.

"Yeah, it wasn't that much of an emergency after all." She smiled. "Hey, Rory. The mail just came. And Kirk had a _really_ hard time getting it all into the mailbox." Mom was looking more and more excited.

I forgot everything that had just happened. "Really?"

"Yeah, come on, let's go!"

"Let's go!"

We rushed outside and stood on either side of the mailbox.

"You ready?" Mom asked.

"Yes," I replied, trying to sound confident. She leaned over and opened the mailbox, and I reached over to take out two large envelopes. "Oh my God," I whispered. "Harvard. Yale."

"Rory, you got in!"

"I got in!" I stood there, smiling, holding the envelopes tightly. Then it all hit me. "Jess was right," I said quietly.

"Oh, Rory…"

_This is what I've been hoping for, for so long…but now there's something I want just as much_. I heard Luke's voice again: "Jess isn't mad at you, and you're not mad at him…"

Luke was right. I had to talk to Jess. Really talk to him, not just say hi and then leave. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. And standing there, looking at my future in two envelopes, the best letters I'd ever gotten—I realized how much I missed Jess.

Now that I thought about it—Jess' letters from New York, to me, were just as good as these were.


	11. We knew it, I love it

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 11 – We knew it, I love it

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. I don't own any books (yet. lol), and I don't own any references to authors or movies.

A/N: I won't say anything about this chapter, because I don't want to give it away, so on with the story! Thanks SO much to everyone for the reviews, you're the best! Enjoy!  ~Arianna

We walked back inside, slowly.

"So…how are you gonna decide?" my mom asked.

"I don't know…" I replied, still sort of in shock. Mom put her arm around me, smiling.

"You've got time," she said.

"Yeah…" Deciding which college to go to was not what was most important to me right now. I mean, it was really important. Just not as much as Jess now—not to me. I think Mom knew my mind wasn't entirely on this. She probably even guessed what I was thinking about, but she didn't say anything.

We hung around for a few hours. At five-thirty, Mom asked me, "What do you want to do for dinner?"

"I don't care," I replied.

"Well, we're out of toaster pizza," she said. "Luke's?"

"Sure." I gathered up my courage. I could do this.

Luke's was busy; all the tables were full again. Mom and I went up to sit at the counter.

"Luke, coffee!" Mom called.

"Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Before I get it myself…or everyone in the diner finds out what your favorite show used to be. Your choice." She smiled.

"_Lorelai_…fine, I'm coming," Luke said. Mom grinned at her success.

"I'll be right back," I told her.

"Okay."

I looked around the diner and saw Jess in the corner. I walked over to him.

"Hey," I said uncertainly.

"Hey," he replied, not looking up.

I swallowed hard. "Can we talk?"

"Go ahead."

"Um…can we go outside?"

"Okay." I followed Jess to the gazebo. I looked at him, silently, unable to speak. I didn't know how to say it. "Rory…" he said.

_I have to_. "Jess…I'm sorry! I'm so sorry—" 

He stepped closer to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I had missed that. "It's okay—" 

"It's not! I know you didn't do that and I should have known then—"

Jess cut me off. "Rory, I didn't mean anything I said…I'm sorry, I know I hurt you, I'd never want to—"

"I know! I know I hurt you too, I didn't mean it, I just got mad when I heard it, it wasn't you—" I threw my arms around Jess, and he hugged me back, tightly. I started crying; Jess sort of did too.

"Jess…" I said, trying not to cry.

He leaned forward and kissed me, and I kissed him back, the gazebo and all of Stars Hollow disappearing around me. Right then, all I could think about was Jess. I didn't want this to end, ever.

"Don't let go," I said.

"I won't," Jess replied, pulling me closer. He continued kissing me. After a while, he said, "Are you ready to go back to Luke's?" He was smiling, the way Jess never does, his eyes lit up, really happy.

I nodded, wiping my eyes. "Jess—I should have trusted you…"

"Forget it," he told me.

"I can't."

"You know, after…"

"Yeah."

"I went upstairs, and I tried to read, and I couldn't…and I cried."

"I know," I said softly. "I cried too."

Jess smiled again, slightly. "I know." He tightened his arm around me, and I put my arm around him. "Luke came up; he told me I was acting different; he insisted I tell him what happened."

"Did you tell him?" I asked.

"Sort of…then I went to the bridge."

"Wednesday."

"Yes."

"I couldn't do anything, all week," I told him. "I'm doing this paper…on Oliver Twist. And I couldn't stop thinking about—"

"Dodger," Jess finished for me.

"Yeah." I smiled, thinking. "I wrote about you."

"You wrote about me?"

"Well," I explained, "It was supposed to be a personal essay…" I told him the idea. "I didn't use any names."

Jess grinned. "Can I read it?"

"Uh…later."

"Really?"

"After I get my grade."

"Deal."

"I talked to Luke too," I said suddenly.

"You did?"

"He—don't kill him—he told me you were upset."

"I was."

"I told him I wasn't mad at you."

Jess looked away from me, not knowing what to say.

"Why weren't you mad?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I couldn't be."

"Why not?"

"You're _Rory_. And…I just couldn't help thinking, while you were yelling at me, that you were right."

"Jess—"

"You had a reason not to trust me, you had more than one reason. I _have_ done stuff like that before, I did promise stuff I didn't do, and knowing that felt horrible but it was true and I knew it, and I only yelled at you because I was hurt and I wished I hadn't done some of the stuff I did. There wasn't any reason not to think it was me."

I stared at Jess. I'd never heard him talk like that before. Then I stopped walking and reached out to hug him tightly.

"Rory?"

"There _was_ a reason."

Jess hugged me back. "What?"

"You promised me you wouldn't," I replied. "I should have known! I don't know why I didn't…I hate that you think I shouldn't trust you!"

"That's why I cried…you can from now on, though."

"I was scared, I was upset about Princeton; I didn't want to lose everything."

"Everything?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to lose you, Jess."

"Oh Rory…I know. It's okay." We kept walking. Then Jess said softly, "How did you know I didn't do it?"

I looked at the ground. "Dean told me."

"Right. Of course."

"No, Jess—I saw him at the bus stop, and I asked him how things were at the market, and he told me an older man from Hartford had stolen some stuff."

"Huh."

"And…I asked him if you'd been to Doose's."

"And he said no," Jess finished.

"And he said no," I echoed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I really didn't—"

"I _know_," he interrupted. By this time we were in front of Luke's, and the sky was slowly darkening. I saw my mom turn to glance out the window, but I didn't meet her gaze.

"Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"You know…how I said I was upset about Princeton?"

"Yeah."

"Well yesterday—I got into Harvard. And Yale." There was still plenty of excitement in this news for me. I smiled.

"That's great!" I was so glad Jess was happy for me, even though I'd known he would be.

"Definitely," I agreed.

"So, any letters in the envelopes begging you not to go to the enemy?" Jess grinned.

I laughed too. "Haven't seen any."

"You know where you're gonna go?" he asked me as we walked into the diner. 

"No idea," I admitted. "Well, not really." Jess and I sat down at a table in the corner and continued talking. I knew my mom would understand why I hadn't gone back to sit with her. After all, both she and Luke were probably watching us.

I had known this would happen, hadn't I? That I couldn't just get over Jess. Luke had known it too. But still…I'd been haunted by the thought of losing him, and never being able to really care about anyone else like that… Everything was finally how I wanted it. All I had to do was decide where I was going for college. And suddenly that seemed much easier.

"How are you gonna decide?" Jess asked me.

"I'm actually leaning toward Yale."

"Really."

"I know I've been talking about Harvard my entire life, but I've been looking at stuff about Yale, and it has great classes and teachers, and I'd be close to Stars Hollow—"

Jess smiled. "That's good."

I looked over at Lorelai and Luke. Both of them were staring at me and Jess, but they looked away when they saw me staring back at them. I laughed.

"Jess, look."

He turned around too. "What did you expect?"

"You're right." I paused. "I'm really glad…we're good."

"Me too."

"We are, right?"

"Of course."

"I know." I did. The look in Jess' eyes had gone back to what I was used to, the rebel-without-a-cause look with the real Jess Mariano under it all. And I was glad, really glad. I had missed him. A lot.


	12. Aftermath of something good

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 12 – Aftermath of something good

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Gilmore Girls. I also don't own any book or author references.

A/N: Here's the next chapter! I think this is my longest ever. There are several more chapters coming, the story's not over just because Jess and Rory are together again! lol. To Sirius, Smile, Jctigerwolf4e, Amy, Tye, super trooper, BabyGirl4life88, LCI-02/03, IloveJess, I love it, jessandrory, and Simon-DG-Hottie-17, THANK YOU for all the reviews!! I've broken my record for number of reviews now, and this story has 7 chapters less than my other fic does. They're great, and once again, I'm really glad you like this. (This chapter has lots of Rory/Jess stuff in it.)  So on with the chapter, enjoy! ~Arianna 

Jess and I talked for a long time. I cried for part of it, and I think Jess almost did. We both apologized about a million times. I was so glad things were okay between us again. My mom stayed at the diner too, talking and arguing with Luke, while somehow getting him to give her coffee. Eventually, I kissed Jess and said goodbye, and Mom and I walked home.

"I take it you and Jess are back together," she said dryly.

I couldn't stop smiling. "Yeah, we are."

"Well, that's great." Mom smiled at me, but I knew her well enough to tell that she wasn't really happy.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she replied.

"You don't look fine."

"Well, I'm great."

"Mom…" This had something to do with Jess. I knew it.

"What, Rory?"

I couldn't face an argument about Jess now. "Nothing," I answered.

"Was he nice to you?" Mom asked.

And apparently it couldn't be avoided. "Of course," I said. "He didn't do anything wrong…"

"I recall you saying that he told you that you couldn't survive in New York."

"He didn't mean it!" So things were going to be the same. My mom still hated Jess, still didn't trust him. "We both said things we didn't mean…"

"Rory—I just want to be sure…"

"Be sure of what?" I demanded. _Why can't she trust him? Why can't everybody see what I see?_ We were back at our house by now. I followed my mom inside.

"Be sure…that you're not together again just because you missed him."

That hurt. "No! Jess is amazing and he's a great guy and he cares about me, and I care about him, and you can trust him!"

She sighed. "I know you're happy…I don't want to ruin this for you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I said softly. "I have to study."

"Okay."

I got my books out of my backpack, took them to the couch, and started working. I had finished my Oliver Twist paper, which was due the next day. I was excited about turning it in; twice as excited now that I could talk to Jess.

A few hours later, the phone rang. I answered it.

"Hey," Jess said.

"Hey." I smiled and took the cordless phone into my room.

"I just wanted to talk to you…"

"I'm glad."

"Rory…I really didn't mean the things I said."

"Jess, I know!"

"Yeah."

"Jess…when I went home—my mom still doesn't trust you…I'm sorry…"

"Don't be."

"She kept asking me what happened, why we were back together." I paused. "I'm glad we are."

"So am I." He was quiet for a while. "Rory, your mom will be okay with it…someday."

"Jess…"

"Rory—"

"I'm okay. Really."

"Okay…Luke's yelling at me to get downstairs."

"I guess you'd better go." I felt better, but I still wished my mom could like Jess. The way she liked Dean…in the end, I think she liked Dean as much as I did, maybe more, in a different way. What I wouldn't have done for her to think of Jess that way…

"Probably," Jess agreed. "See ya tomorrow, Ror."

"Bye, Jess." I hung up the phone and stared out the window for a couple minutes, wondering if I could do anything to convince my mom about Jess.

On Monday morning, I woke up, got ready, stuffed my books in my backpack, and Mom and I ran to Luke's.

"Are you gonna have pancakes?" she asked. "Or eggs?"

"I don't have time for breakfast," I told her. "Just coffee." I heard footsteps on the stairs and looked up, grinning.

"Oh, go ahead," Mom said, waving her hand at me. Jess appeared at the door. I walked over, and Jess leaned across the counter and kissed me. We broke apart, and Jess got me a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," I smiled.

He came around the counter, and I put my arms around him, kissing him again.

"Okay, guys, not here," my mom said from behind us. I reluctantly pulled away from Jess, slightly embarrassed. 

"See you this afternoon," he said.

"Love you," I replied.

"Me too." He grinned.

I picked up my coffee and left, almost glowing.

English Lit. was my first class that day. Everyone filed into the classroom, carrying his or her books. Mr. Medina wasn't there yet, so we all began talking quietly.

Paris rushed over to my desk, waving her paper in the air. I groaned inwardly.

"Where were you yesterday?" she demanded.

"Excuse me?"

"I called you five times! No one answered. I wanted you to read my paper before I turned it in—"

"We have an answering machine, Paris," I pointed out.

"No one ever listens to messages," she said dismissively.

"Uh, we do."

"What were you doing, anyway? What is there to do in your town on Sunday?"

"I was with Jess," I replied happily. "We're back together…"

"The Dodger," Paris said shrewdly.

"How did you know?"

"I just did," she answered. I didn't get a chance to reply, because just then, Mr. Medina walked into the room.

"Sorry I'm late," he apologized. "Teachers' meeting." He looked around at all of us. "First order of business. Please pass in your papers."

We all handed the papers in. Mr. Medina stacked them neatly on his desk, then picked one up and glanced over it for a minute. I couldn't tell whose it was, but I guessed it was Paris' or something.

He went on to talk about Charles Dickens. We took notes. It was an interesting class.

The bell rang, and we got up, filing out of the classroom. Mr. Medina stopped me at the door.

"Rory, could you stop by after school?" he asked me.

"Uh, sure," I replied, wondering why. The day passed quickly. For the first time in almost two weeks I could really concentrate on what I was doing. After the Franklin meeting, I got my homework together and walked to Mr. Medina's classroom. 

   "Hi, Rory," he greeted me.

"Hi," I said, still confused. He went behind his desk and picked up some papers. "Um…why exactly am I here?" I said at last.

He smiled. "This morning, when I collected your papers, one of them caught my eye," he told me.

"I noticed that…"

"It was yours."

"Wow. Why?"

"Rory, I've been giving this assignment for years. I have never read any paper like this one." He held up my Oliver Twist assignment.

"Is that good?"

He grinned. "It's great! And although I was planning to give these back next Monday, I think it's only fair that you get this now." He handed it to me.

"Thanks," I said softly.

"Are you all right?" Mr. Medina asked me.

"Yes," I said, smiling. "We talked."

"Say hello to the Dodger for me."

"I will."

"So I'll see you in class tomorrow, Rory."

I nodded. "Bye!" Then I left Chilton, raced onto the bus, and flipped to the back page of my paper to read Mr. Medina's comments.

Rory— 

This is incredible writing. It's not anything like what I would expect from a senior in highschool. It fits the assignment perfectly. I can see that this book means a lot to you.

He had no idea.

And I hope you can talk to "the Dodger."  --Max 

I turned back to the first page to see my grade: a bright red A+. And right then, I wanted everything to stay exactly as it was. It was perfect.

As soon as the bus got to Stars Hollow, I jumped off, excited. Jess wasn't there, but it wouldn't be hard to find him. I ran to the bridge as quickly as I could.

Jess was there, as I'd known he would be. He was sitting on the edge of the bridge, silently, looking out over the lake. I couldn't help thinking that he looked sad.

I walked out onto the bridge and sat next to him. I didn't want to show him my paper until I at least asked him what was wrong.

"Jess?" I said.

"Hey, Rory." He turned toward me and kissed me softly.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah. Why?"

"I know you, Jess," I said, staring at him. "What's wrong?"

He shrugged. "I'm okay. I was just thinking…"

"Are you still mad at me?" I said, my voice shaking.

"No!" he said fiercely, putting his arm around me. "But seriously—can you trust me?"

"Of course," I answered immediately.

"Rory…"

"I trust you, Jess! I always will. You promised, and I know you'll keep it."

"I will."

"So what is it?"

"It's weird. I hated fighting with you, I missed you…"

"I missed you too."

"And now we're back together, and it happened so fast…it feels like I should be doing something or saying something to prove I wouldn't hurt you," Jess explained.

I smiled at him. " I bet if you said that to anyone else, they wouldn't guess that it was you."

"Yeah, well."

"I know you didn't mean what you said. I told you, what I did was worse and I'm sorry," I said to Jess.

"Really.  It's okay."

I kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"And I came because…" I pulled out my paper. "I got this back. You can read it now."

Jess looked at it. "A+—good job, Ror." 

"Yeah," I said happily. "Thanks." I rested my head on his shoulder and he started reading.

"Wow," he said after a while.

"What?"

"I don't deserve this."

I laughed. "I say you do."

Jess finished reading and looked at Mr. Medina's comments.

"Max?"

"Mr. Medina…he's the guy my mom almost married," I explained.

"Ah." Jess read the comments again and grinned at me. "You're gonna be a great journalist."

"Thanks." It meant a lot, hearing that from him. And sitting there with Jess, I realized that I couldn't risk losing what I had right then. "Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to Yale."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure. I don't want to lose what I have in Stars Hollow, I don't want to go to Boston, and I've heard they have a great journalism school."

"Great," Jess told me.

"You think so?"

"Yes, I do. You think I want you to go to Boston?"

I grinned. "I'm glad you don't."

We stayed there for a while, debating Hemingway. And other authors. And talking about my paper.

Now all I had to do was explain my decision to my mom. It would be interesting. And it would be worth it. Yale was a great school. And it was sounding better and better.


	13. Don't know him or what I want

Believe Me, I'll Be There

Chapter 13 – Don't know him or what I want

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, Yale, Harvard, or any books, authors, or movies.

A/N: I'm REALLY sorry this took so long! My only excuse is that I've been having fun working on Connecticut Writers (chapter 4 of that is almost done). I've had this written for a while, I just didn't type it. THANK YOU for all the reviews! They're great and I'm glad you like this. I can't say I've exactly started the next chapter, but I'm planning several more, and they should be up pretty soon. I can't wait for "I Can't Get Started" tonight! lol. And Jess will be more in character next chapter, I hope! Also, I promise Lorelai will get more understanding in future chapters. Enjoy! ~Arianna

The week passed as usual. I read. I went to school. I studied. I talked to Jess almost every day. He met me at the bus stop most days. When he didn't, I usually went to the diner. It was great. Things with Jess seemed at least as good as they had been before the fight.

That Saturday, I woke up, looking forward to a good weekend. I didn't have much homework to do, and the Inn wasn't busy, so my mom wouldn't have to go in much. Then I remembered something. I still had to tell my mom about going to Yale. But that could at least wait until after Luke's…

"Hey, Mom," I said, walking into the kitchen. 

"Rory, Rory, is that you?"

"Mom?"

"I'm in great need of caffeine!" she said dramatically. "I may be dying."

"Right," I replied. "C'mon, let's go to Luke's."

"We must hurry!" Mom exclaimed, trying not to laugh.

Jess came around the counter, just as we walked in. Mom went to sit down.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey." He leaned over and kissed me. "You okay?"

"Yeah…it's just—I was looking forward to this weekend. And I realized I have to tell my mom about Yale, and it's gonna be hard."

"You haven't told her yet?" He looked surprised.

"Well, no…why are you surprised?"

Jess shrugged uncomfortably. "Well…you told me. And I just figured—"

He was right. Things were different between me and my mom. I could tell Jess anything…and now I was scared to tell my mom where I wanted to go to college. What had happened?

"You're right," I said. "You're right! I mean, I always meant to tell you first, but still…"

"Wait, Rory. It's okay." Then he seemed to realize what I'd said. "You always meant to tell me first?" he asked.

"Yeah. I knew you would understand…"

"Hey. I'll get you coffee."

"Thanks, Jess." I smiled at him and joined my mom at the counter.

"You couldn't talk to him later?" she asked.

"Mom!"

"Sorry. Lack of coffee."

"Okay." I didn't say anything else. I didn't know what _to_ say. Jess came over and poured coffee for both of us.

"Luke'll be over in a minute," he said, flashing a glance in my direction. I smiled again, into my cup of coffee.

"Rory, what are you thinking right now?" Mom asked me.

"What?" I looked up. _What do you want me to say? The truth? That I'm thinking about kissing Jess?_

"You just got accepted at two of the best schools in the country! And he looks at you, and you forget in a second."

I hoped Jess couldn't hear her; because I knew it would hurt him, even though he'd never show it, never say anything about it.

"Wow, that was random," I said.

"No, it wasn't. As soon as you come in here, you—"

"Hey, wait a minute. You have coffee now." I was trying not to get mad, but it was hard. Jess was my boyfriend and I loved him, whether my mom did or not.

"Yeah, well maybe it wasn't lack of coffee. Maybe it's what I'm seeing right now, in front of me."

I stood up. "That's not fair!"

"It wasn't at first, right. But now you've had the letters for a week and you need to start deciding. I made mistakes; I know you don't wanna do that. What's happened, Rory?"

I did not want to have this fight in the diner, with everyone watching. I saw Jess standing in the corner and I knew he couldn't help listening. I could tell from the look on his face that he felt sorry for me.

And I did not want to respond to that where everyone could hear me. I wouldn't. I got up, without finishing my coffee, and left. I walked home, fighting tears and losing.

When I got home, I sat down on my bed and started to cry. I heard the door open a few minutes later, and my mom came in.

"Rory?" She walked into my room. I don't know what I expected her to do, but what she did wasn't it. She picked up the pro/con lists for Harvard and Yale on my desk. "Look, Rory." They were blank. They were also under a picture of Jess and me. 

I looked up, still crying.

"I haven't been doing nothing! I know…" I stopped.

"You know where you're going? Well, if I'm gonna find out, maybe I should ask Jess."

"Maybe you should," I said quietly.

"What?" She turned to face me. "You…you told him?"

"You make it sound like a crime…" My voice was shaking.

"It doesn't seem that far off right now!"

I couldn't put it off any longer. "Mom, I'm going to Yale."

She stood there, shocked. I felt awful.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you…" I tried to stop crying again. It didn't work.

"You wanted Harvard your whole life!"

"Things have changed!"

"Things like James Dean wannabes who don't care about anyone—"

"I don't know anyone like that," I said shortly.

"So why are you kissing him?"

Didn't she see how much she was hurting me? "Jess isn't like that!"

"Jess _is_ like that. He's changed you. Why Yale?"

"It's close…it's what I want! It really is."

"Why is it what you want?" She sounded tired.

"It has the classes I want, great teachers, and I can live here and I won't have to lose the people I care about…"

She gave me a questioning look.

"You," I said. "And Jess, and Lane, and Luke. And Sookie. And Luke's coffee…"

I could see she'd only been listening until I said 'Jess.' "He's my boyfriend!" I said. "And I care about him, and I told him because I knew he would support me!"

"At least, you knew he would pretend to," she replied.

"You don't know him!"

"I know who he is. That's enough."

"No, it's not! He's had a really hard life and it's hard for him to show who he really is, but he's a great person, he only has to let you see it—"

"Is he going to college, Rory?"

"Yes. He's going to college." We hadn't talked about that yet, actually. I just…felt I somehow owed it to Jess to say that. And he was way too smart not to…right?

"Rory…is Yale really what you want? Or is it what Jess wants?"

"It's what I want! I told you that, I'm glad Jess is happy about it, but…I don't want to leave Stars Hollow! Not forever, not for four years. Now I won't have to! Did you want me to leave? I never thought you did…" I sat back down on the bed and started to cry again.

"Rory…" Mom left my room. I tried to read, but I couldn't concentrate at all. The phone rang about an hour later. I picked it up.

"Hey."

"Hey, Jess."

"You okay?"

"I guess."

"What happened?"

"We…we had a fight. Again."

"About…"

"Yale," I said. I hesitated. "And…you."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Sort of…yes, it is," he told me.

"No, it's not."

"It is."

"Jess, no. It's okay. We'll…"

"You'll make up."

"Jess…"

"You know that." He waited. "I'm sorry."

"I love you."

"I love you too," he replied.

"See you later."

"Yeah."

We both hung up. I stared at my wall for a while, at all my Harvard posters. Only the Yale brochure was sitting on a corner of my desk. And next to it was a picture of Jess and I at the diner. 

My life had changed so much, so soon. Right now…only about half of it was good.


	14. But if it's not okay

**Believe Me, I'll Be There**

**Epilogue, Part I **

**Disclaimer:** I do not own (fill in the blank). No sue? No sue. Great.

**A/N:** I'm far less than proud of the previous writing in this fic. ((shudder)) Really, do not go back and reread, please. ;) But I owe you guys who stuck with this story something…I think you're all absolutely crazy (but in the best way. I appreciated it so much). So…this is it, part II coming soon.

Many many thanks to Christie for the beta…and for everything. A very late Christmas present! D This is for you…and you know it's all your fault.

--

This is set the year Rory graduates college. Italics are flashbacks that fit in around (but not right _immediately_ after)the time of the last chapter. All will be clear, I hope. And these last two chapters are PG-13. I didn't want to change the rating (not that anything's that bad here, lol) because of the first 13 chapters…

--

_"Yes. He's going to college."_

_"He's not."_

_"He is! You know he is, you saw the letter."_

_"He's going," Lorelai said sarcastically. "Getting a letter isn't getting up and buying books and looking at the campus. It's not being interested and signing up for classes and asking you what you think…"_

_"Stop it." She pauses, trying not to smile at her sudden thoughts. "He's Jess. It's not like I'm the ultimate authority…I don't know what I'm doing either."_

_"That's the problem." Lorelai sighs, wishing it weren't hopeless. "He said he wouldn't, don't you remember?" It's meant to be irritating; she is a little tired of being nice about this. "_You_ want this. Who's to say he's going to do this for real? It's twice as easy to skip college classes, trust me."_

_"How would you know?" She stops, knowing that's not fair._

_"He had every right to," Rory continues in a low voice. "And you don't want him to!" Her tone rises, and she knows it is an advantage that she tends to sound (and act) angrier than she is. "You don't want it to turn out right, you don't want me to fall in love and get my happily ever after. I know what everyone calls reality, okay?"_

_"That's all I want," Lorelai answers, trying to be calm. "Happy endings exist without the hot guy on the motorcycle." _

_She thinks that Rory has no idea what even most people's connotations of reality would be._

_Not enough. Not really._

_"Yeah," Rory agrees, startling her mother. "But without the guy in the beat-up car who reads as much as I do and won't…" She pauses. "Jess on a motorcycle?" _

_"You're eighteen years old." She's scared, scared out of her mind that maybe— "He's the one who should be worrying about people giving up."_

_"Happy doesn't mean forever. It's…" Rory sits down, waving her hands awkwardly and wishing it weren't natural for her to appear so guilty. "Nothing happened, Mom." She pauses. "I don't know what's going to happen in the future…I'm not supposed to put everything on hold to look for something better when I have as close to everything as I'm ever going to get." Again, she stops, nervousness in her expression replaced with calm sensibility, superiority she tends to assume without realizing it. It makes Lorelai feel childish and it's exactly what she doesn't need. _

_"This is what I want. I can't change that."_

_"Try harder," Lorelai snaps, losing patience._

_The slamming door cuts her off._

-

"Stop," she protests, giggling.

"No way."

"Stop." He's too close for her to fully concentrate.

He doesn't even answer, moving to respond with a kiss.

"Jess, really, you need to stop. I have a party to go to. I'm so not explaining how I looked when I was actually ready to go to an expensive restaurant." She tries and fails to glare at him.

"You graduated. You get one night free of obligation."

"We have more than one," she grins. "Let me go. I promise you."

"What do I get as collateral?" She pouts at him and he smirks, almost grinning at the look on her face and gritting his teeth to keep himself from doing so.

"My books? Are still mine." He opens his mouth. "My CDs too," she grins.

She loves to torture him because she knows she is the only one who can.

"I have copies of all the passable CDs you own," he tells her.

"Fine then, pick something." She raises her eyebrows at him. "Pick anything." She catches a solemn sort of look on his face as she breaks off the last syllable of her teasing, and a confused glance crosses hers before all is back and set to normal.

"Can I get back to you on that?" He takes advantage of the moment she's spent staring into space.

He plays with a free strand of her hair and keeps standing too close; she laughs and smiles the special way she reserves for him. "It's now or never."

-

_She's late, entering the diner—she's caught Luke just at the moment between wiping off the tables and locking the door, which he always seems to forget at the right times._

_"Hello?"_

_It comes from the storeroom—where would he be if not reorganizing the ketchup bottles?_

_"Luke?"_

_"Please kill me first," a voice answers dryly from the other side of the door. It swings open and she is face to face with a look that could be fatal, were she not immune to sarcasm. He's known it wasn't the Gilmore he knows (loves) from the moment she didn't get the reference; for Lorelai, the appearance of someone other than Luke is a confirmation of the doubts that floated to the surface when she wasn't automatically greeted by name._

_"Jess," she states._

_"Can I help you?"_

_"No."_

_"We're closed." A silent pause and he continues, annoyed. "There is coffee on the stove. Don't ask me how long it's been there." His look hasn't altered in the slightest. If it only softens around Rory (if it does), there must still be quite a possibility of it freezing that way._

_"I'll take a raincheck."_

_"Luke is either upstairs or out." He turns back to the closed door. "So if we're done here…"_

_"Sorry to disappoint you." She walks behind the counter and slams the door shut herself, jerking his hand away from the doorknob. "So. Working?"_

_"The point, please?"_

_"You don't deserve anything less." She shoots her worst glare (at the the tiles on the diner floor). "What's the reason for this, Jess?"_

_"I thought you were telling me the point," he answers. _

_His blatantly fake innocence drives her up the wall._

_"Are you going to school." It's said so fast it's more like a comment than a question, and he is glad she wasn't looking up to see him wince._

_"I'm going."_

_Going is easy; it's the whole college thing that's hard._ _She thinks she will be making sure there are no guests at Rory's dorm. _

_As if that were possible. She's losing control! _Dammit, Luke, come out here, I need someone to keep me grounded.

_"And because you'll have to leave tomorrow or the next day, you're voluntarily working for Luke?" God, that's pathetic, and it is all she can think of._

_He doesn't give a damn what people think of anything he does. _

_He can't help wondering why what he does every hour of the day appears to be of so much interest to so many people lately. Perhaps if Lorelai had overheard Luke's lecture this morning she'd be wherever he is instead of here now._

_Maybe in her place would be someone a little shorter, younger, with lighter brown hair and glittering blue eyes, and maybe she'd be moving toward him, rambling, shutting up when his mouth meets hers. _

_That will have to be a long goodbye._

_He imagines her presence, her pressing against his side, her whining about being bored. He just barely keeps himself from smirking and thinks he's lucky he has practice controlling that._

_"Packing."_

_There is no doubt whose nephew he is, Lorelai thinks._

_"Got some insane need for sandwich fillings?" she says skeptically. "Help you adjust to your new home, huh?"_

_"Rory might want some when she visits," he answers in a clipped tone, turning to open the door again. It meets Lorelai's hand (held out to keep exactly that from happening); he sees her right there, and he hurriedly shuts it._

_He doesn't want to prove Rory right either and he doesn't know why. Suddenly the thought of moving from the spot of bad guy to anywhere near the newly emptied role of school-going, rebel-esque nice guy is too much._

_But his reaction time is too far off, and he isn't quite fast enough for Lorelai not to see boxes of folded clothes, books, music. Sure, they're messy and they've probably all been thrown in there, but she guesses it is neat for Jess. _

_Rory would know._

_She stares at the floor, angry with her new habit of distrust, and thinks perhaps she has found another reason for Rory to hate her._

-

"They say it is better to be feared than loved," Rory informs him.

"They were cracked," he replies, rolling over to move closer to her.

She laughs. "I got you with a reference, I got you!" She's always crazy early in the morning, like this, and always wide awake. Always, he is struck by how beautiful she is, but he never says anything.

"You got me, all right. School affected your sex life," he tells her. A pause, and then, "Machiavelli. I can't believe you're quoting Machiavelli right now. What did they do to you at this place?"

Rory giggles. "Dangerous," she agrees. "I could recite Beowulf every night…would that freak you out?"

He kisses her in answer, fiercely, and she smiles against him, pretending to pout.

"Fine."

He nods. "I love you."

"I love you," she says softly.

They lie in silence for a few minutes. The air sings with something, anything, about to happen, but it's a constant buzz when they're both here and they have both become accustomed to ignoring it.

"So, any plans yet?"

She pokes his arm. "No planning. None, for at least a week. I've done enough thinking about the future for the rest of my life!" She laughs.

"Oh sure. So what are we going to do for the next forty years?"

"Hard one."

"Clearly."

Another, longer, bout of silence, equally comfortable. She can't remember being this content without anything to worry about in her time range of near-enough-to-consider.

She doesn't notice the insinuation he's made, and when he remembers he looks at her smile and thinks that if she did notice, it's alright.

Damn, this is nice.

Sleepily, she reaches out and presses the button of the stereo on her dresser.

"Rory."

"Jess," she counters.

"You tired?"

"Yes."

"You're playing this why?"

"Because."

"Good answer." This is when he officially gives up; surrenders to the hilarity he so often seems to inflict on her (he'll never figure that one out).

She pauses. "It's really sad that we think _Guns of Brixton_ is a happy song." He smirks in response. "And _Child Psychology_? Seriously, we need help."

"That's you, not me," he points out. Secretly, he likes the way all her sentences are beginning with 'we'. He wonders if this is an answer to the question he didn't mean to ask. Rory Gilmore is the queen of subtlety, unless of course she doesn't want to be.

He grins as the player makes the clicky noise it always does as it moves to the next song. "Suffragette City," he says, touching his lips to her forehead. She closes her eyes and helplessly tries biting back her smile.

It doesn't work, but that doesn't matter.

-


End file.
